What to do?

4 days in and already this blog is taxing me. Its difficult to think of something to write about. But I've committed myself to at least one post a day. Something I plan to stick to.

Maybe I've set the bar too high? Maybe I'm just being my usual defeatest self? Or maybe I really just don't have anything to say today.

That does worry me somewhat. Throughout my childhood. I was that one kid that couldn't shut up. The chatterbox. So me having nothing to say is a scary prospect indeed.

I do waffle though. I can talk endlessly about nothing at all. It's an excellent self defense mechanism against people you'd rather weren't around you. 3 simple steps to get rid of them.

1: talk emphatically about a subject no one cares about. Here are a few ideas if you're stuck. The plight of Peruvian muscle farmers in a sea of political unrest. Why is the wax on Edam red? When it could just as easily be orange. How come no one Morris dances anymore?

2: Minor detail is king. Sometimes you can talk about something interesting, but by adding just a little to much detail, any subject matter can be rendered duller than any of Jordan's t.v. shows.

3: To make a long story short. This technique is a little more advanced. The best examples of the art form can be found in any place where people gather. It is a combination of the first two steps, plus the added ability to drag out aforementioned details.

A man who I worked with, who we'll call Dave, was an unwitting master of this. To give you an example, were someone to ask him what he did at the weekend he would tell them, but make the simplest activity sound like a high precision military manouver. The conversation would go something like this.

Work colleague: Morning Dave, get up to anything exciting this weekend?

Dave: Yes actually. I first awoke at precisely 6am, to do my usual weekly shop. First things first, I filled the kettle and waited for it to boil and then made myself a cup of tea. I remember the tea was particulalry hot as I burnt my tongue. Once I drank my tea, I went out if the house and got into my car. I drove along the road at approximately 40 miles an hour and was surprised that my usual journey of ten minutes took just over twelve! Imagine that, two whole extra minutes. Which is annoying because I had made sure I had enough petrol for a ten minute commute and this put my whole fuel system out of kilter....

Work colleague: Ummm well ok Dave I've got to ummn...bye Dave.

Dave: Did I show you the photographs of my new refrigerator?

The man was a genius. Only I don't think it was intentional.