Poor mums!

My mother doesn't drive and neither do I.
I remember as a kid how we used to take the bus into town to do the weekly shopping. Now my mother used to have my sister and I and a week's worth of shopping to carry on one trip. She always, from what I can remember, used to manage it with ease. I have no idea how she managed I really don't.

Today I took Zak on the bus to pick him up some bits and pieces. Nowhere near the amount my mum had to get, and it nearly killed me! So now when I see a mum with a ton of shopping and one or more children in tow my heart goes out to them.

Mums are brilliant. Seeing deb with Zak always reminds me of that. The way his little face lights up with a big gummy smile, arms out stretched ready to give her cuddles.

It's funny really how I've spent so much time seeking affection and attention when all along without even realising it I have a little boy who gives me all the love I need to keep me going.

I've been so blind and caused so much distress and heart ache when all I needed has been right in front of me all along.

It's time I changed so I can get my life back on track. I'm never going to get anywhere thinking of myself and playing the pity card. I realise now that I'm only going to get love if I have love to give. Which I do. The solution is so simple, I just need to listen, and act accordingly. I'm not a victim so I need to stop behaving like one.

It's no easy task believe me. When you spend 30 years of your life with only yourself to look after its hard to put others first. But I know that's what I've been doing wrong. I spend a lot of time thinking that the problems I have are because I'm not getting what I want, when in reality I'm never going to get what I want unless I first give others what they want. It has to work both ways. No amount of complaining, whining, bickering or finger pointing can achieve what I want to achieve. Only by being selfless and putting others first, namely my son and partner will I get me the affection I would like.