So.
It would seem that over the last few weeks I've gotten my head in a much better place.
I'm finding it easier to not be so defensive and take everything my partner says so personally. I have a more optimistic outlook on life in general too.
I'm by no means fixed, I don't think I ever will be completely. I'm always going to have my little issues. But how I react and act based on those issues makes a world of difference to how smoothly my life runs.
I've decided I no longer want to do the job im currently in. Putting all the playground politics and ego clashes to one side, it is actually a very rewarding job. But its no longer enough for me. I feel like I'm wasting myself here. I could make so much more of me. The only question is what?
Those that know me always tell me I should work in I.T. which would be great, but I've been there, done that. When you have to fix a computer or solve a network issue because you have to rather than because you want to, the fun suddenly disappears.
So for now I'm scouring job ads, mulling ideas over. Trying to make decisions. It's not easy when you have no real direction already in mind. I have a few ideas, most of them would in the short term make life very difficult, but ultimately worth the effort. Some of them are possible, but wouldn't amount to much, and some are just complete pipe dreams.
One idea that always seems to bubble to the surface is writing. But this I've also tried. Unless you know what you want to write about in the first place it can be very.difficult.
I'm a big fan of the cyberpunk and science fiction genres. I have tons of ideas for cyberpunk fiction (as if there's any other kind of cyberpunk) but knitting those ideas together to form a coherent plot and characters is my downfall.
I have a note stored on my phone, I use it to jot down ideas for characters and plots I have for stories, who knows maybe one day I'll have enough for a story.
They say there's a novel inside everyone. When is mine going to make an appearance?
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